The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
