Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize