Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
