I think I won the penis lottery.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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