Your dad touched me again.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
