Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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