A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
