I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
