Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
