Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
