as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
