even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
