the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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