i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i believe in u and ur pee
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
