My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
