I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
