guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize