Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
