I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
