It's Friday. Sex?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he fucked my hip out of place.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
