Don't make out with my wife yet
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
