I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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