it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
