dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
