so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
