oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
