Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
