also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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