$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
