Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
