Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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