i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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