Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
