Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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