Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
