Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize