chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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