Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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