And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
