so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
