yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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