I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
