South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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