I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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