You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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