Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
