4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
