I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
