Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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