So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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