I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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