oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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