hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
