if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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