do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
