Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
