She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
