trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
