Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
