Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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