I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
