I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
