I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
