You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
