I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
