why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
