We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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