She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
