Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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