I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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