It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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