So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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