theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
