it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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