Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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